Being a mom and maintaining friendships is hard. It’s not always easy to find free time to spend with your friends. Heck, it’s not always easy to find free time to go to the bathroom. But it’s important to make time for your friends as often as you can. Surrounding yourself with love and support is always a good idea! There are many seasons of Mommy Friendships, and many different types of friends you’ll have too. Your friends will change and evolve and so will you.
It’s not that diamonds are a girl’s best friend, but it’s your best friends who are your diamonds.– Gina Barreca
Sweet friendships refresh the soul and awaken our hearts with joy;– Proverbs 27:9-11
It’s important to note, not all friendships are created equally. Different friends fill different spots in your life. Especially once you become a mommy. And that’s ok! It’s the way it’s supposed to be! Not all friends are meant to stay forever present, but every single friend is part of who the person you are today. Some friends evolve into different categories and morph over time. Some stay exactly the same.
I came up with some categories for mommy friends to share with you.
The Daily Touchstone
This is the friend you talk to almost every day, if not multiple times a day. You go to them for joy, peace, help and understanding. This is the person that knows the ins and outs of your daily life. This friend is your lifeline. Chances are, you are theirs too!
A one-word text can perfectly describe to this friend exactly what kind of day you are having or what kind of situation you find yourself in. That’s how connected you are to this person!
The Best Friend
These roots of friendship run deep. You might have known this person since the 4th grade, or they might be made in college or your adult life. This is the person that you can pick up a conversation with if it’s been 5 minutes or 7 months. Their family welcomes you as if you are one of their own, because you are. You’re family.
This friend understands with absolute grace. They know your history and you know theirs. There’s never any judgement, only support and love.
Also, this is the person you call when you need bail money or to hide the body of someone you’ve murdered. They help, no questions asked.
The Mom Friend
This is the friend that’s got a very similar life to you. You’ve got kids that are similar in age and your lives mirror each other quite a bit. You all are in the same boat and can commiserate over parenting struggles. The Scary Mommy has a wonderful read on the types of Mom Friends you need in your personal tribe.
Extra “Special” Mom Friend
For special needs parents especially, it’s priceless to have friends that are in the trenches with you. It’s such a gift to have another friend that totally and completely understands you and your child. They know your daily struggles because they live them too. They support you well because they know just what they need and want in the exact same situation. And even more importantly, these mom friends are there to cheer almost as loudly as you do when your child has a milestone event. Because they know when it’s a big deal you are celebrating.
The Childhood Friend
Isn’t it amazing to have a handful of friends that you’ve known since you were a child? These folks know what you looked like with your bowl cut Dorothy Hamill hair and puff paint hello kitty sweatshirt. (That’s just an example and has NO historical accuracy whatsoever… it definitely wasn’t me…).
You literally grew up with these people and learned how to be an adult side by side. The older I get, the more I appreciate the amazing feat that I still know some of these people.
These friends bring back youth and nostalgia that’s really nice every once in a while. It’s like a warm blanket of memories that you surround yourself with every now and again and reminds you of when you were young. You may not have much more in common than childhood memories and that’s ok. It’s still a nice friend to have in your corner and keep in touch with through the years.
The Work Friend
Work friends are so important. They are the people you end up spending so much of your day with, and they will truly understand the ins and outs of your work frustrations. They share the same professional interests you do, and it’s someone you can talk shop with for all your ideas.
Sure, other friends and spouses will listen to your stories and sympathize. But your work best friend? They know that Bob from Accounting is the WORST and that Donna from HR’s monthly safety meeting makes you want to stab a fork in your eye, without any further explanation. They know why you are crazed on the third Thursday of the month, cause it’s deadline day. Or whatever the case may be. They know, because they are right next to you in the work trenches!
The Long Distance Friend
The long-distance friend is just like it sounds. This person lives far away and isn’t going to be part of your daily life. It’s simply not feasible with the distance. But they are still a dear friend, and you manage to keep up with them over the years, and even squeeze in a visit with them from time to time. Conversation and catch-up is easy, because no matter the geography, they are still a dear friend.
And even though the distance is far, technology has come so very far in the last ten years. With this blessing, chances are your friend is a simple text or FaceTime away. I have a dear, dear friend in Germany and it just blows me away that we can text back and forth regularly now!
The Friend that Drifts Away
Sadly, you will lose some friends along the way too. You silently drift apart over the years. It’s not that anyone did anything wrong. There was no mega-blowout or event that changed everything about your friendship. You just have separate lives that simply don’t intersect very often anymore. Kids, spouses
Reach Out If You Want To
You can decide how much you miss that friend. It’s probably a two-way street. Chances are you’ve both done a bad job of staying connected. If you are ok with downgrading them to a casual acquaintance you see once or twice a year at a party, then so be it. That may be all you can handle on your plate at the moment. Sometimes it’s completely fine to let a friendship go.
But, if you truly miss them, it can be a sad spot in your life. You may not even know where to start to try and reconnect. However, always remember, it’s never too late to reach out and try to bridge the gap and get your friendship back on track. Chances are they miss you as much as you miss them. Send a quick text and an invitation for a dinner with just the two of you. I’m willing to bet you can pick back up right where you left off.
Chances are, some friends will overlap into many of these categories. Also, more likely than not, some friends will shift into different categories over time as well. That’s totally normal and just a simple part of life. Not every friend is intended to walk with you through every season of life. Some stay, some go. Some evolve. It’s to be expected in your journey. Even though that feels rough sometimes, keep in mind, there was, at some point, a tie that bonded you together.
Reach Out Today
In conclusion, use this article as a reminder to take a few minutes today and reach out and connect with your friends. I challenge you to reach out to all of them in the next few days. If you are feeling really extra productive, schedule some time with them to catch up and chat. And then make it a priority going forward. Being around your friends can feed your soul like nothing else can do. It can re-light a spark that you might have thought was going dim. So, what are you waiting for? Go call your friend.
“There is nothing better than a– Linda Grayson
friend,unless it is a friend with chocolate. “
“A friend knows the song in my heart and sings it to me when my memory fails.”– Donna Roberts